R.I.P Marcia Steele

I'm not sure how to mourn the loss of such an integral part of my childhood!  Marcia Louise Steele was my first friend in life, she became my friend when I was less than 6 weeks old!  It's a silly memory but I remember fighting about who was older when we were 5 or 6 and hadn't quite gotten March and April sorted out in our heads yet!  She insisted she was older and I insisted I was older!  I may have been correct literally BUT Marcia was an old soul even then!  She was my friend because our mom's were friends, but in reality I would have chose her!  She was NEVER boring, always full of creative ideas (mostly how to meet boys), and she was the most loyal friend!

It wasn't until we were 14 and went to Disneyland together that I realized that my childhood friend was an old soul but also a tortured soul!  We made memories that trip that no one would truly believe if my mom hadn't been along to back up our stories!  Earthquake aftershocks, flash floods, ant infestation in our hotel room, a cab driver who took off while Marcia was half in/half out, cockroaches in the pool and Edward Furlong on Space Mountain with us!  I am so thankful that when I was told to choose a friend to come with me on that holiday I chose her because now all I have is memories!

Marcia and I chose different paths in life, she was a wild teenager while I was a little quieter!  She struggled with many demons which aren't my story to share, while I struggled only with normal teenage angst! She lost her mom to Cancer while my mom survived, she lost her brother to mental illness while my family remained in tact!  I married a wonderful man had 2 wonderful boys and she lived downtown single and flirty! But we have always remained in touch, always remained friends!

My last visit with Marcia seems forever ago, and in 33 years that we have know each other we have never said "I Love You" but for some reason she embraced me and said "I Love You" before she left!  My last words to my life long friend were "I Love You too"!

I remember when my mom got the call and she whispered "Marcia's gone" and I was thinking "where'd she go?", then is sunk in, she was GONE!  I was never going to hear that laugh again, or get a random text from her just to make me smile!  She fought her mental illness, she made it through so many tragedies, but it won and now she is gone!

R.I.P my beautiful friend!  I miss you each and every day!  Devon looks at your photo sometimes and says "Your friend Marcia went to Heaven mommy, but don't be sad because she is in your heart"!  My 4 year old can be so profound!  You are in my heart!  You are part of who I am!  As you sister says I have embraced my "Marcianess"!

I don't like babies...

I don't like babies!  Don't get me wrong I LOVED my babies!  And I have loved each and every one of my nephews, my niece and all the miscellaneous babies that have been born in my life!  I have loved them despite the fact that they were babies!  I enjoy snuggling a new baby (who doesn't) BUT I truly enjoy giving them back to mommy or daddy when it's time to change them, or they start to wimper!

Babies cry, babies poop, babies need constant attention!  Let's face it the baby stage is full of sleepless nights, worrying about silly little things, judging yourself about EVERY single decision you make regarding the teeny tiny little human in your care!  The baby stage is full of things baby needs, cribs, rocking chairs, playpens, excersaucers, diapers, diaper cream, special shampoo; the list is extensive!

One of the most exciting moments of my life was when we gave birth to my youngest and I knew that after each stage we could move forward!  I could de-clutter the baby stuff from our lives, start planning vacations, start living without strollers, car seats and high chairs!

My oldest is turning 5 this month, my youngest turned 2 in March, so far I have been excited for each milestone!  I was PROUD at pre-school graduation, where the other moms teared up a little (and a little in awe at what a spectacle they made of it, the MAYOR of Langley gave a speech), I have cheered on both boys as they conquered walking (and shortly thereafter running), I have embraced their independence and their personalities taking JOY (pure joy) in all their accomplishments and growth!  Each year with my oldest I am CERTAIN that this age is my FAVORITE (Except TWO, I HATED Two)!  I am so excited to see what FIVE has in store for my son who has come so far in the last year!

I know not to wish away my children's childhood but often become excited for when my youngest is a little older and we can enjoy certain things that sometimes are harder with a young child!

UNTIL LAST NIGHT:  My 5 year old has a loose tooth!  Yes a loose tooth, it's time to talk about tooth fairies!  This made me VERY emotional!  He is going to lose his first tooth!  This is HUGE!  I am leaving my boys for the weekend with their Nana, WHAT IF HE LOSES HIS TOOTH WHILE WE'RE AWAY!  What if I don't get to play Tooth Fairy for the first time!  This loose tooth has turned me into a babbling baby!  AND I HATE BABIES!

He starts KINDERGARTEN in less than 2 months, he turns 5 in 18 days!  HE IS GROWING UP TOO FAST!  I MISS MY BABY!  I LOVE BABIES because when my boy was a baby FIVE seemed so far away!