Am I in high school again?

When I was in high school I was never sure who was telling the truth or who my real friends were. Once I graduated and figured out who I was I felt like I had developed "true" friendships. And although my cell phone didn't ring off the hook every hour and I didn't have plans every Friday night, I felt like I had a pretty decent social life.

When I met Duane my friendships changed again (although some remained constant). We spent more time with family and friends who were also "couples". When we got married and had Devon we spent more time with other couples who also had children. I had 3 or 4 close friends and several other friends who I spend some time with but never confided in.

Recently some people in my life have let me down considerably...I feel like I felt in high school. So unsure about who is my true friend and who is only out to better their lives. I feel like I have invested a considerable amount of time, energy, emotional energy in these relationships only to be completely unappreciated. I have tried to be a good person and have done as much as I could to nurture these friendships and relationships but am now realizing maybe I was being taken advantage of...and the real shame...these people are not only supposed to be my friends but are also members of my own family! So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I am admit my disappointment and disgust than I will be causing family turmoil. But I feel at this point if I let them continue disappointing me that I will eventually not be able to forgive them and have to make a major choice...To keep loving a family that lets me down so consistently or keep myself at a safe distance?

I would like to say that I will get over the most recent issue, but feel that this may have been the last straw for me and I don't know if things can ever go back to the way it used to be. It makes me sad, sadder than anyone could ever imagine because it has taken many years to even consider one of the people in the equation a friend. One of the other's involved didn't take me quite as much by surprise as we never were able to see eye to eye and the newest member of the family I am devastated about as I had begun to think of them as one of my very closest friends.

I don't want to get into details but I will say there were 2 separate incidences over the past week that have led me to this post and have led me to re-evaluate my friendships. Who are my real friends and who are my friends because it is convenient to them??? A question that I thought that I had answered when I graduated high school.

R.I.P Diva

Dear Diva,

Two years ago you found me and Duane. You were hungry, abandoned & scared! We took you into our home and you showed us who was boss! I named you Diva...A name I often joked about later that I had given you and you had become a diva to prove a point. You would only drink water staight from the running tap at a certain strength and you liked food fresh every day! You would poop beside your litter box if we would forget to clean it for a day. you liked to sleep on top of both of us at night!

You did the funniest things like lick the bath tub after our showers, or when I was pregnant you would jump on my lap while I was on the toilet! You liked to sleep on top of the fridge and you loved to sneek into the cupboards...often we would hear you meowing to find that we had locked you in the pantry!

When Devon came along we were a little worried about how you would react but you 2 were fast buddies! He loves you so much, even at 8 months old he knows that something is wrong and is looking for you! You watched out for my baby boy whenever he cried you would rush to him and lick his little head. You were the sweetest kitty Diva!

You were sick yesterday, I thought you had the flu or maybe had gotten into somthing toxic and that you would go to the vet and get some medicine and come home. But you didn't get to come home sweet kitty! You had swallowed some thread and it had wrapped itself up in your intestines and possibly cut up your esophagus. We had to say good bye last night and let you go to kitty heaven and I am so sad!

I missed cuddling with you last night, and I opened the door this morning after burrying you expecting that you would be there to meet me! You were such a good cat and I miss you very much! I am so sorry Diva! I love you!

Love Jessica