Struggling

I am struggling lately with a lot of things. Obviously I struggle over the loss of someone we all so deeply loved. I struggle with being the best parent I can be (and sometimes that means putting my child in front of a Disney movie to I can get something done). I am struggling with some people in my life who's behaviour makes me remember high school (come on people we are 30). I am struggling with finding the right balance with my mother in law. And I struggle the most with being nice to Duane...pregnancy makes me such a mean person.

I am finding joy in some wonderful people in my life. Several new friends who make me feel good, who make me laugh and who don't make me feel like I need to be someone else! And of course my husband who although admits he doesn't like pregnant Jessica still loves me to the end of the world!

I find GREAT joy in washing a folding all Devon's baby clothes and blankets...etc in preparation for the new little bundle of BLUE on the way in early March! Yes, it is a BOY! A little shocked when we found out but thrilled none the less! If he is anything like Devon we are going to have our hands full but laugh more than any other family I know!

I am finding joy in spoiling Devon for Christmas this year (being his last Christmas as an only child I figured we should)...I am excited to see his face Christmas morning as this is also the first year that he is going to realise what those pretty boxes under the tree are (and I even found pizar/Disney wrapping paper). Looking forward to experiencing Christmas through his eyes this year!

Of course Devon brings me SO MUCH joy. He is constantly making me laugh EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. What a strong personality this little boy has developed! So much like his Papa! I cannot believe how much he is growing up! New words and sentences everyday! He is such an animated little man and him and Duane are my whole entire world!

I am feeling positive today, 4 nights sleep in a ROW doesn't hurt! Today is going to be a GREAT day!




On a side note enjoy some photos of my adorable little man and HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!

EVERYTHING has changed!

Duane and his mom drove to Kelowna this am to pack up some of her home there for her to move down here.

It feels so real during moments like this when the change is so pronounced. less than 2 months ago life was normal now life is different and won't be normal again until we figure out our new roles and get used to missing a very important piece of what used to be our life.

I cannot imagine what the intense emotions that both Nicole (MIL) and Duane are going to experience today as they pack up the life of their husband and father. Some things will be left behind until the home sells and they can get back to pack up the rest and that will be hard too...leaving little pieces of a wonderful VERY MISSED man behind! Reality stinks sometimes!

I still miss and think of Lyle daily and wonder what our lives our going to be like for now on in...EVERYTHING has changed for us! EVERYTHING! Yet everyday is easier and everyday starts to feel a little more normal. Life moves on, we laugh, we love and we cry.