Christmas Traditions

I started a post about being overwhelmed trying to start Christmas traditions for my family and make the holiday season perfect. But as I read what I had written it occurred to me that it doesn't matter what I do (or don't do) what matters is that our Christmas will be filled with love & laughter & quality time. Those are the things that truly matter to me! And while the small traditions that I have managed to start aren't going to win any awards, we are simple people and don't need a lot to feel content.

So instead of comparing myself to all the other mommy blogger's who seem to have Christmas traditions right out of a magazine I am going to pat myself on the back for loving my son, loving my husband, and making sure that although we are having a simple Christmas it's going to a great Christmas. I am going to be proud of myself for making Christmas special to Devon in any small way that I can even if it's just a new pair of pj's on Christmas eve and a new Christmas book to read, even if it's just a special stocking full of special things, even if it's just reading the same Christmas classic each Christmas eve before bed. Even if it's just trying to wake up before Papa and beat him to the presents(and I may have gone a little overboard in that aspect this year). And if all else fails even if the only thing I am able to do is be with my family and love them that's good enough for me.

Screw feeling overwhelmed...I want to enjoy my Christmas!

I am looking forward to blogging more soon. I have been lucky enough to receive a *free* hand me down lap top from my in laws and I have visions of relaxing in bed at night after Devon is sleeping a writing some deep & meaningful blogs so good that someone might actually start reading them while sipping on some hot chocolate or tea.

But in case this isn't reality and I don't get a post in any time soon MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Venting

Life has been REALLY hard for Duane & I lately. Financially we just cannot get ahead. We were doing okay until Duane's salary got cut (due to so many layoffs at our work he is no longer in the position that he was), my hours got cut (to save me from being laid off) and today my day care decided she will not do part time for us (the only thing that was going to keep us a float was cutting back the day care hours).

I am totally unsure what to do. Devon loves L (our day care lady) & her sons C & A. I feel confident that he is save & very well taken care of when he is in her care. So our options are A) Pay the full amount which we CANNOT afford or B) find a new day care willing to do part time with the posibility of full time once work picks back up.

The problem with B) is that the day care we are using is on the less expensive end of the scale so we will be hard pressed to find a part time day care that will be affordable once I am back to work full time.

Could there possibly be an option C? Could I possibly approach my employer and take a voluntary layoff (is there even such a thing?), collect ei and possibly take in a day care child of my own (who pays under the table?).

I am VERY jealous of people who have family members who care for their children for free...

UGH!

Christmas Spirit

Tonight I dressed Devon up in his Christmas pj's and gave him a new Christmas book!

He sat on the couch and read (looked at the pictures) his new book and was as happy as a clam...until mommy wouldn't let him play with a bottle of lysol...the nerve!

I heart Christmas!

So much for...

So much for posting regularly! I find life is so crazy right now and I have a hard time keeping my thoughts straight in my head...never mind getting them out on paper. I also find that although I am a pretty open person I am feeling pretty reserved right now and want to keep many of my thoughts to myself.

I have been craving creativity lately. Before I met Duane (in what I like to call my tortured youth years), I wrote some pretty great poetry, I sketched and I wrote some pretty great short stories/essays. I haven't had a creative outlet in nearly 5 years. It isn't because Duane wouldn't encourage me if I was passionate about it, it's more along the lines of my "darkness" is gone. I am no longer a "tortured youth" and as sad as it is being "dark" was where my creativity stemmed from. I am in a different place in my life than I was those years and find that my creativity stayed behind. Now instead of a broken heart or backstabbing friends I worry about money, paying the bills, not getting laid off etc...not exactly the base for a great poem or art piece.

So how am I supposed to be creative when I am for the most part content??? I was think photography? I have always ALWAYS taken lots (and lots) of photos, the only issue with this is that I would like a new digital SLR camera in order to pursue this outlet/passion. We don't have the extra cash to spend $1000 on a camera so I much wait and save. I really think that this is something that I could be GREAT at!

That's what has been on my mind lately. That and Disneyland! As crazy as it sounds all I can think about (besides my daily happenings of course) is a digital SLR camera and Disneyland?

Really?

Wow, has it really been 6 months since I last posted? Again I reiterate wow!

I manage to keep current on the blogs that I read yet somehow I cannot mannage to keep my own blog updated? Life has a way of running away from you when you have a toddler and a puppy! And on the off chance that someone out there actually reads this blog, I PROMISE to TRY and blog regulary for now on.


There seems to be little or no point in trying to play catch up for the last 6 months...there is no way that I have that kind of time and if I did to be honest I can think of a million other things I would rather be doing than writing a blog that could take a few hours to write.

Today was my good friend Jen's little girls birthday party/costume party. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVIA! What a great party and all the kiddos looked SO darling! She is such a sweet little girl but sadly I didn't get a photo of the birthday girl in her cute little flower costume.

Looking forward to trying to make it to the pumpkin patch next weekend. We had plans to go this saturday but for those who live in the lower mainland you know that it rained & rained & rained some more. SO Duane and I stayed home and had a much needed family day. I would really like to try and make it next weekend though as it's a memory that I would like to make sure that Devon has every year until he "thinks" he's too old for it. Hopefully I will have some photos to share of that next weekend.

Am I in high school again?

When I was in high school I was never sure who was telling the truth or who my real friends were. Once I graduated and figured out who I was I felt like I had developed "true" friendships. And although my cell phone didn't ring off the hook every hour and I didn't have plans every Friday night, I felt like I had a pretty decent social life.

When I met Duane my friendships changed again (although some remained constant). We spent more time with family and friends who were also "couples". When we got married and had Devon we spent more time with other couples who also had children. I had 3 or 4 close friends and several other friends who I spend some time with but never confided in.

Recently some people in my life have let me down considerably...I feel like I felt in high school. So unsure about who is my true friend and who is only out to better their lives. I feel like I have invested a considerable amount of time, energy, emotional energy in these relationships only to be completely unappreciated. I have tried to be a good person and have done as much as I could to nurture these friendships and relationships but am now realizing maybe I was being taken advantage of...and the real shame...these people are not only supposed to be my friends but are also members of my own family! So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I am admit my disappointment and disgust than I will be causing family turmoil. But I feel at this point if I let them continue disappointing me that I will eventually not be able to forgive them and have to make a major choice...To keep loving a family that lets me down so consistently or keep myself at a safe distance?

I would like to say that I will get over the most recent issue, but feel that this may have been the last straw for me and I don't know if things can ever go back to the way it used to be. It makes me sad, sadder than anyone could ever imagine because it has taken many years to even consider one of the people in the equation a friend. One of the other's involved didn't take me quite as much by surprise as we never were able to see eye to eye and the newest member of the family I am devastated about as I had begun to think of them as one of my very closest friends.

I don't want to get into details but I will say there were 2 separate incidences over the past week that have led me to this post and have led me to re-evaluate my friendships. Who are my real friends and who are my friends because it is convenient to them??? A question that I thought that I had answered when I graduated high school.

R.I.P Diva

Dear Diva,

Two years ago you found me and Duane. You were hungry, abandoned & scared! We took you into our home and you showed us who was boss! I named you Diva...A name I often joked about later that I had given you and you had become a diva to prove a point. You would only drink water staight from the running tap at a certain strength and you liked food fresh every day! You would poop beside your litter box if we would forget to clean it for a day. you liked to sleep on top of both of us at night!

You did the funniest things like lick the bath tub after our showers, or when I was pregnant you would jump on my lap while I was on the toilet! You liked to sleep on top of the fridge and you loved to sneek into the cupboards...often we would hear you meowing to find that we had locked you in the pantry!

When Devon came along we were a little worried about how you would react but you 2 were fast buddies! He loves you so much, even at 8 months old he knows that something is wrong and is looking for you! You watched out for my baby boy whenever he cried you would rush to him and lick his little head. You were the sweetest kitty Diva!

You were sick yesterday, I thought you had the flu or maybe had gotten into somthing toxic and that you would go to the vet and get some medicine and come home. But you didn't get to come home sweet kitty! You had swallowed some thread and it had wrapped itself up in your intestines and possibly cut up your esophagus. We had to say good bye last night and let you go to kitty heaven and I am so sad!

I missed cuddling with you last night, and I opened the door this morning after burrying you expecting that you would be there to meet me! You were such a good cat and I miss you very much! I am so sorry Diva! I love you!

Love Jessica

RANT:

How is it that Duane and I make SO much money, seriously we pull in $4000 a month take home and we still don't have enough money to make ends meet! SERIOUSLY HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???

Monthly Bills
Mortgage $1200
Cell Phones $100
Cable, Land line & Internet $100
Diapers & Formula $300
Hydro $30
Groceries $400
SUV Payment $560
Personal Loan $230 (For a f'ing car I don't even have anymore grrrrrr
Car Insurance (Both Vehicles) $288
Gas & Misc (aka D's smoking) $400
Bank Fees and Interest on loans & CC $100
Strata $270

TOTAL: $3978

Okay so EVERY LAST CENT is pretty much accounted for BUT now my concern is HOW do we get ahead when we have 2 lines of credit and a Credit card to pay off? Plus when I go back to work (by the way we aren't pulling that much in while I am on mat leave so how are we even covering our bills???) there will be DAYCARE as well.

And I really want to go back to school and take medical transcription so I can work from home! Where are we going to get $5200 for tuition for the online course (not to mention the 28 hours a week required to take the course to complete it in a year)?

I feel like there is no end to our financial woes...We owe the government $350 for some BULLSHIT back pay for GST cheques they shouldn't have paid us, our strata usually wants $$$ once a year to do some repairs (what the F*** is a contingency fund for then???) and who knows what's going to happen with our taxes this year! Here's to hoping something goes our way and we get a REFUND this year, hopefully enough to pay off our Credit card and the $350 we owe the government. Wouldn't that be swell? But probably won't be happening. At the very least I hope we don't owe them more...that may be the straw the broke the camels back (me being the camel and the tax man being the straw and the back being my sanity).

I know I should be thankful, with the economy being SHIT, D and I both have jobs, we still have our home and D junior is happy & healthy, I have a wonderful friend (my sis-in-law) willing to do my daycare starting in July for a discount (and I trust her so that's an added bonus).

Maybe the solution is that D and I can eat Mac & Cheese for dinner every night. That could work, but it would have to be KD because if it had to be that no name stuff life wouldn't be worth living anymore, and I would have to have heinz ketchup to put on top!

And as a side rant...WHO DECIDED THAT FORMULA SHOULD BE SO DAMN EXPENSIVE!!!! Since we have had Devon the brand of formula we used has gone up $10 a tin! Seriously! If Devon wasn't used to the lactose free stuff and didn't get stomach pains every time we try the other stuff he would be using the $13 stuff from Costco instead of the $28.99 name brand stuff (it's not like its macaroni & cheese or ketchup :) ). AND DIAPERS....It's retarded that something that is a necessity of sorts (I know that there are other options) is SO expensive! I feel for those low income single moms out there! At least I have the ability to buy the stuff even if I have to cut back a little elsewhere, but how in the world would a single low income mom be able to cut back enough to buy formula & diapers!

End of rant!

Forget Vacationing here....I want to live here!

This is where we are vacationing this summer!!!! SO excited!

Close to the Oregon Sandunes, Close to the beach and Fun is predicted! Woot woot! But seriously isn't it gorgeous, I would love to live in a house like this!

Bad Mommy Bad!

I am so fully aware that Devon's sleeping habits are all MY FAULT!!! For months Duane has been telling me to let him cry it out and for months I have been telling Duane that he's not here at night (he works nights) and that it is easier said than done! Devon screams before he falls asleep, and IF I put him in his crib he will wake up every half and hour till I let him come into my bed to sleep (something I swore I would NEVER do). It's crazy that a 6 month old can already manipulate his parents (okay his mom). During naps he prefers to sleep in my arms and has even started having problems falling asleep in his stroller. Bad Mommy Bad, right?

So last night I sucked it up, put my heart away and put him in his crib with a full tummy, a clean diaper and wished for the best. He chatted for a few moments and than Wahhhhhhhhhh, off he went. I turned off the monitor and tried to concentrate on something else, anything else! And he cried for 15 minutes and went to sleep! He slept until 4:45 am until he woke up for a bottle. So did I redeem myself a little??? Definately NOT a full redemption b/c where do you think he slept from 4:45 til 7:30??? My bed! Still a little bad!

This week I am concentrating on getting him to put himself to sleep, next week sleeping in his crib ALL NIGHT and the following week, napping in his crib. I am slightly embarrased when I hear all these mom's whose babies slept through the night at 2 or 3 months! But at least I will no better next time around.

I was so cranky last night for no reason other than I felt like it. I feel horrible b/c I always take it out on Duane. Obviously I can't take it out on Devon, so Duane gets the brunt of it!!! And than this morning he comes home from work and let's me sleep in till 9:45 after he's been at work all night. What a guy!

I am debating whether to get a seasons pass to the Greater Vancouver Zoo. A girlfriend of mine wants to get one just to go walking there b/c her oldest really likes it. So this last weekend I bust out the entertainment book, found a 2 for 1 coupon and dragged Duane (and Devon) to check it out!

Devon looking cool!

Duane really enjoyed it! And so did I, although Devon was a little monkey (do they already have those at the zoo), He was cranky b/c he wanted a nap but didn't want to sleep in the stroller (hence the mommy needs to work on that).

Daddy & Devon

We are planning a trip to Oregon with Duane's best friend Brad, his wife Regan and there baby Peyton (4 months old). We rented this AWESOME beach house in florence (about an hour from the sand dunes and close to the sea lion caves. It's the kind of home I want to live in, SO luxurious! There is a theatre quality media room, a hot tub and it's on the beach, who could ask for anything more...AND it was only $900 for the whole week! Not too shabby!

Regan and I have had our issues in the past (SO NOT going into on a public blog) but I feel that since we have both had children we have moved past that and may even be on the road to becoming friends again, so hopefully no more issues arrive while we are in Oregon! and we are both looking forward to the day trip to the Woodburn outlet malls to do a little retail therapy!!!

Tag your it...from my facebook note!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs (or the + sign) on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. My feet are Clausterphobic. I hate socks, I hate shoes and when I am sleeping my whole body needs to be covered except my feet!

2. I get a high off finding a good bargain and saving money. Some people do drugs, some people drink. I shop but only if it's on sale!

3. I knew I wasn't going to have a traditional wedding from the first time I was involved in a wedding. I used to always say I hope when I get married my husband won't mind going to Mexico. We ended up getting married in the Dominican Republic but same idea!

4. I have always wanted to adopt, my husband wants to have children of his own. I only get to adopt when we win the lottery.

5.I NEVER leave home without my camera! I take lots of pictures anytime I think it might be important to someone even if it isn't important to me.

6. As much as I love to take pictures I didn't take any the whole 39 weeks & 2 days I was pregnant!

7. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I went to college for 3 different things. In the end I didn't want to do any of them and work at a job that utilizes nothing I learned.

8. I work in the same area as my 2 brothers (who are at a different company) and my husband (who just recently left the aviation field to come work at my company).

9. I still have nightmares, VERY realistic nightmares!

10. I HATE stuffed animals! I think that they are gross, they hold in dust and little bugs!

11. I haven't ever been formally diagnosed but I am pretty sure that I have OCD. I can't stand it when things are out of place and when things get chaotic or too cluttered. My heart starts to race a little and all I can think about is getting it back in order.

12. I start Chrismtas shopping in January for the following year, this makes sure I can good deals!

13. I have had the same best friend for over 20 years! Luv you Lindsay!

14. I have a hard time sticking up for myself...Usually, if I am pregnant don't cross me.

15. I hate being pregnant and I am not 100% sure I want to ever do it again, except that I don't want an only child.

16. I am very behind my "life plan". I was suposed to be married by 25 (married at 27) and had all my kids by 30 (won't be having another until at least 31). But I am content.

17. I am very stuborn and hard headed!

18. I LOVE to swim and could live in the water IF only I was a little more comfortable in a swim suit.

19. I got engaged in Disneyland at the "Blue Bayou" restaurant that overlooks the Pirates of the Carribean ride. Right before he proposed I blurted out "You better have a ring in your pocket because this is where I want to get engaged". Not having the slightest idea that he was about to propose. When he finally did, I didn't believe the ring was real and vomited in my mouth! All in all I think it was the perfect proposal!

20. My father in law is a professional clown! And I am TERRIFIED of clowns! How ironic!

21.I am adicted to eBay!

22. My cousins and I always take couch pictures and bahhhhh at each other b/c we are good apples. You won't understand unless you are related to me!

23. I sucked my thumb until I was in grade 8. March of grade 8 to be exact!

24. I feel very strongly about traditions and am very sad when things change!

25. I dream of having enough money to go to New York and shop till I drop, this would be one time I wasn't looking for a bargain!

Ebay Addiction

I am slightly addicted to ebay. I went through an ebay phase just over 2 years ago and something happened that caused them to close my account (thanks to someone who was using my account and NOT me, just so you don't think I was irresponsible with it), and I was forced to give up my ebay adiction. Recently I opened an account in Devon's name and was able to take up this habit again.

Here are a few things I bought recently!

This one was for myself (A rare thing for me to do). A Lululemon bag. I must admit that I am not using this as a gym bag (one day I will get back at it) but as a diaper bag!!! In my opinion these make AWESOME diaper bags. I have 2 different ones off eBay and they make me feelstylish even mothering in my sweats. I paid $65 (shipping included) for this one (which you know is a decent price if you like lululemon)



This is Devon's winter jacket for next year. It's a GORGEOUS Columbia jacket (sized 2T). The price tag on this item was $109.99 CAD...I paid (drum roll please) $19.99 USD plus 11.95 s&h. So about $35 CAD. And the quality is so much better than the Old Navy jacket I paid more than that for on sale. This is my favorite purchase for sure.

These are little Etnies sandals...I am hoping will fit him in a year IF/WHEN we go to Mexico (fingers crossed). I don't know an exact price tag on these, but I have seen them for anywhere from $24.99 USD to 34.99 USD. I paid $9.99 plus 1.49 S&H.

In November we got our family portrait taken and I promised I would borrow a scanner and post it. WELL Duane bought me a GREAT little scanner for Christmas (so thrilled) and I finally got around to scanning all my photos in...talk about clearing up some space. I preserved all the memories on my USB drive and tossed all the developed photos (and there were lots) in the trash! But I digress...I can now post the photo I promised!

An update

I must admit I have been less than diligent about keeping up with my blog, I find my free time limited and would rather read other's blogs that post on my own.

Christmas was busy and passed by far too fast. Christmas Eve was spent visiting the "Heppners, Laurie, Dale, Shane & Ashley. A family tradition for Duane's family for years. They ordered Chinese food and we had a nice visit. This year our late nights are limited as we know of we don't get to bed at a decent hour we are going to sleep deprived once Devon wakes up around 6am. Chrismtas morning was CRAZY! Devon was spoiled and in fact so were Duane and I! My favorite addition to our little household was the Nintendo wii and the wii fit! So much fun! And it was quite a site making mii charactors for Lyle, Nicole & my Mom and they were all great sports trying out bowling and COW RACING. I wish we had taken some pictures! Later on we had a wonderful dinner at Dave & Amanda's! My Nephews got a gumball machine filled with jellybeans and they filled Lyles boots (there was A LOT of snow this year, thank God for AWD), he got quite a surprise when it was time to leave.

Boxing Day was spent relaxing and playing the wii, Lyle and Nicole went visiting so Duane and I cleaned up from Christmas and put some of Devon's new toys together. I feel quite anxious when things are busy and messy and cluttered. So that was a nice relief to see everything mostly back in order.

Duane was back to work between Christmas and New Years. New Years morning we headed up to Kelowna to spend 4 days with Lyle and Nicole and see his Auntie Lise and Nana.

Over this time Devon developed a habit of screaming for about 3 hours each and every night when I tried to get him to sleep. I think maybe it was because his schedule was off kilter. That was frustrating and sad. It lasted almost a whole month but I am SO thankful to say that he has out grown that phase and is back to his normal sweet self. I guess it didn't help that he was going through a growth spurt, had a nasty nasty cold and is teething. The poor thing didn't have a fighting chance of being a good boy.

Devon is changing so much. At his 6 month (YES 6 months!!!) He was 23 lbs 15 oz & 28" long. Pretty sure that he is the size of an average 1 year old, but he's happy & healthy and that is what matters most. His eyes have stayed that amazing shade of blue that they were when he was still an infant and his hair is getting blonder and blonder each day! I think maybe there is bleach in his baby shampoo. He can roll over now, bursts into random fits of luaghter, He can remain sitting if I put him in position, And he is making new noises daily! His favorite pass time is petting the cat! Diva and him have a special bond. If Devon is screaming she will come over and lick his little head and he looks at her and most times will stop crying.

His bottom front right tooth is almost through. Surprisingly he slept through the night last night but the night before that was awful. His sleeping patterns are at best sparadic. I KNOW he can sleep through the night b/c every so often he shows me he can just to get my hopes up then reverts to waking up 2 or 3 times a night. I do admit it most of the problem is me. With Duane working nights Devon often ends up in bed with me and we both sleep less b/c of it.

He knows what he wants and he also knows the way to get what he wants is to fuss and cry! I have been working on not always giving in b/c I don't want him to think he can always have what he wants! Parenting is hard. Much harder than I thought. And I am tired, much more tired than I thought that I would be...But I have never EVER loved a human being as much as I love Devon and I love Duane more too...Although b/c I am so tired I am not always very nice to him. He's very understanding though and tries to give me naps when I get too tired. I don't know what I would do without him. And I have so much respect for all the single Mom's (and Dad's) out there who do it on there own everyday!

I hope that Now that Devon is a little more independent and will play on the floor with his toys I will be able to post a little more often.

AND A HUGE CONGRATS TO KIM AND ROB ON THE BIRTH OF THERE BABY GIRL MIKEALA BONDERUD, BORN JANUARY 29, 2008 at 8:15 PM!